"I feel so bad. I wanted to AP my daughter, but it just didn't work out. She didn't sleep well in my bed, we could never establish a sucessful breastfeeding relationship, and I never felt comfortable with all those baby carrying devices. Am I doing something wrong? What did I miss?"

I have heard people say similar statement many times. And in my opinion, these parents did miss something. The whole point of attachment parenting is ATTACHMENT. Babywearing, bedsharing, breastfeeding, and bonding are all great starting points to attach with your child. But they are not the whole kit 'n kaboddle.

There are many different types of parents. Everyone has their own values and beliefs. Because of this, many people have created labels to categorize parenting styles. One could divide parents into two main groups- mainsteam and alternative. Parents who might be labeled as alterna typically believe in high attachment, positive parenting (versus permissive parenting), natural parenting, or many other alternative ways of raising their children. The problem with these labels is that it creates false barriers between parents and, in reality, we are all parents who are trying our hardest to be the best parents we can be.

Attachment parenters typically believe in the five Bs: bedsharing, babywearing, breastfeeding, birth bonding, and belief in a baby's cry. These five Bs are important because they promote attachment to the parents. Why is attachment important you might ask? Studies have shown that, contary to popular opinion, children who are well attached to their parents grow to be more secure and independent as older children and adults. Can you be an AP without utilizing all 5 Bs? Of course. The important thing to to follow your baby's cues. If you trust your instincts, rather than you neighbors, family, friends and frustrations, you'll do just fine.

Many alterna parents also believe in natural parenting. They may decide to selectively vaccinate or not to vax at all. They may shun most plastic toys and instead prefer only to buy organic and/or wooden toys. They might decide to use cloth diapers and wash cloths instead of disposable diapers and wipes. There is a large continuum and natural parenters may fall anywhere on that continuum.

There are many types of parents. As I said before, we each have different values and beliefs. We are all trying to be the best parents possible. Since there are such a wide range of possible actions and a large continuum of where a parent may fall in a particular "category," I encourage you not to judge and label people off handedly, but to congradulate one another for the good work you have done. Work toward educating and supporting one another in the pursuit of being an excellent parent.